The Roller of Big Cigars

10 reasons to reject the conventional idea of "family"

1. You did not choose them
You are basically forced into your association with these people because of your parents. It is essentially like your cellmate in prison or seat-mate on a plane, meaning that the relationship exists only because of circumstance, not because you actively want it to. The lack of your choice brings in the matter of obligation, as in, you are obligated to hang around with these people because you have the same last name.

Life is too short to hang around with other people for reasons other than that you chose to have them in your life. There are few things as bad as having an unwanted presence, and unwanted force acting upon your life.

2. It is not important
There is no reason to have them in your life if you are self-sufficient. If you are dependent on them then you need to address the problem of being dependent on anybody rather than continuing to see others as your safety net. In other words, get a life. Get the things that are really important in life. Make a difference in the world. The whole notion of family, and those sentimental ideas of eating together at the dinner table, those are meant to comfort people who will never do anything important, to give them something other than the fruits of ambition and thought and imagination to long after.

Get your comfort from things that more reliable, more consistent than human nature.

3. Too much bad blood
To pursue the familial ideal you have to have to go into denial about the people you are related to. You have to pretend that they are worth your time, that they should matter, that the title of “mother” or “sister” or “cousin” means more to you than remembering what shitty human beings they are.

The fact is that if you hang around with shitty people you will find drama and mind-games. If you love drama yourself because you get some kind of weird validation or adrenaline rush, then by all means, indulge yourself in the meaningless politics and rivalries, but if you have anything better to do with your time avoid them.

4. Too much clingy co-dependency
People who pursue, and who justify the pursuit of family, as if it were some kind of ideal, some holy grouping to be desperately sought after, tend to be too weak to survive on their own. It is the pursuit of a life-support system. Something to give their lives meaning because without these other people it has none.

If you need, not merely want, but need other people in your life, you have psychological and emotional issues that having a family will not solve.

5. Friends are better
If you have any judgment, that is. You get to pick them, based on what you need from life, what you need from relationships. I am not advocating that you go out and look for friends, just that in theory it can be better than family. When genuine friendship do happen, and those are pretty rare, you find that the relationships are based more on mutual satisfaction of need than on the happenstance of reproduction.

6. Makes you weak
You never get to be strong unless you forsake the safety net and learn to live out in the world by yourself, or at least without the familiar baggage. If you have never been close to your parents, be thankful. You will never be crippled by their desire to hang onto their baby like the millions of mama’s boys and girls the world over.

7. Lots of insincerity
Most families are havens of the aforementioned bad blood and quiet, bitter criticism. They exist as a way for the weak people sit around and compare themselves favorably to people who are equally weak and insecure.

8. Insularity
One of the things that the illusion of a warm, secure family does is to make you afraid of the outside, of the non-family. This, I suspect is why rural people inbreed, because they are terrified of the unknown, of the outside.

9. Boring
You spent your childhood around them, is that not enough? You already know most of the stories they have to tell, you have heard their best jokes, the only reason for wanting to be around people you know that well is because you are a boring person, and are threatened by the lack of tedium. You need predictability because it feels safer and you are terrified that maybe you will not be able to adjust to new people.

10. Propaganda
The government wants you in families, the church wants you in families, TV commercials and movies want you in families. Everybody who wants your money wants you in a family. People who stick to other people have to buy gifts, they are more likely to conform and act in unison because they are afraid to not go along with the group, the spread viral marketing.

For the people who control your society family is synonymous with being controllable and gullible. A good mark. It means that you have something to lose and are going to want more in order to help your clan.

9 Things that the Obama should be working on for the benefit of society

1. Legal crack to make us all better workers
It’s the proverbial carrot-and-stick approach to improving the country’s productivity. There is simply no way comfortable, well-fed Americans are going to compete with a few hundred million hungry Chinese 12 year-olds. They don’t have the pure determination to survive or the hunger for a better life since they already have a pretty decent one. Having crack to look forward to as a reward for a job well-done would change that pretty quickly. Having crack-withdrawals to scare you if you don’t do a good job would be a great motivation towards perfectionism. Americans would be thinner as well as violently productive.

2. Human-like sex-robots
Imagine intercourse without the worry of disease or arrest. If they were sufficiently human-like you could give them to your deviant elements thus reducing the compulsion to commit sex-crimes. You could also program the robots to kill their owners if they “cheated” on them by hurting an actual human member of society. The most important aspect of having these however would be to provide an outlet for general frustration. Technically penetrating a robot would not constitute fornication under most religions. Without the sexual repressions that control American society everybody would be freer, more relaxed and imaginative.

3. Sidewalk vaginas for the homeless
Public, self-cleaning latex masturbatory tools. Perhaps in the form of a booth. This could be implemented now, just a booth with a fake vagina, but with some kind of sanitary wipe. This is so that the homeless could relieve the stress of destitution. The economy is bad and it won’t be getting any better in the near future. Lots of people who have not been homeless before will soon be living on the sidewalk, haunting the libraries, bumming cigarettes off working Mexicans. They need something fun to do since nobody caters to them.

4. Talking dogs
Imagine how much of a diversion this could be. It would be almost as diverting as having a flying saucer touch down on the White House lawn. If you could come up with a cheap device that would enable any dog to express thoughts in human language people would not care about the economy, or social security or any of that shit. People would basically storm Wal-Mart just so they could sit around giggling as their dog repeatedly expressed a desire for treats or to go for walks. I am not exaggerating.

People don’t need change, they don’t need better quality of life, they just need awesome shit to happen, hence the “circuses” part of “bread and circuses.”

5. Free friends
Perhaps instead of stimulus money you could just give everybody a free Blackberry with a network of friends already programmed in. People would be so busy hanging out that they would not care whether the economy was screwed or not. Even if things got so bad that they could not afford their new gadgets they would still have some of the connections and thus be grateful to you for enriching their lives.  In fact, if any of them were truly bitter and lonely (the kind who would normally gravitate to the right) those would be most grateful for being rescued from the dark side.

6. Free getaway coupons
If you earn one of these coupons you get a free escape pass on the crime of your choice. Instead of winning a lottery you get to win a bank-robbery or a murder, or if your fantasy is to smoke crack in the police-commissioner’s office you can have that too. Whatever you want to do you can. Good for one crime only, of course. These, hopefully would get criminals working to win one of these free passes instead of trying to commit crimes that were not government-sanctioned. Better to try for the sure thing rather than the risky thing, right?

7. Legal assassinations
Meaning hit-men could ply their trade without hindrance. They can offer the service of legal sanctions for the purpose of resolving disputes. The government needs to realize that not everybody deserves to live and allow for ordinary citizens to rectify this problem legally, either personally (see below) or via proxy. Of course, you would need licenses both to be a hit-man and to be able to take somebody out, and the person’s next of kin would be fully informed as to who killed their loved one so that they could exact vengeance if they so desired. This would discourage people from frivolous hits. With the potential of true closure people would not feel frustrated. Imagine if you could pay to have an enemy killed right now.

8. Legal duels
I never got why this was outlawed. It seems to me the perfect, final way of resolving all quarrels. I mean the whole gentleman/honor thing is outdated, but the ability to personally, legally kill an enemy, settle a score, to have the opportunity to express your rage by putting a hole in their skull, how could that be a bad thing? It would lead to more hastily resolved conflicts and ones that ended with one of the combatants dead, meaning it was settled. This would be much closer to the ideal of justice than your average jury-trial.

9. A cure for small male genitalia
Again, as with the talking dog, this would serve as a guaranteed diversion. Meaning, if there was a way to do this without surgery, say by putting something in the drinking water, there would be no murders the next day. A few rapes, perhaps, but no murders. In the long term it would probably make nobody happier, but the world would be filled with euphoria and KY Jelly would sell by the gallon in the short-term.

Revenge and comfort

Let’s say the government had a way to read minds, to tell somebody’s intentions, would you not want them to use it to make us safer? I mean if the guy across the street has an eye on your preteen daughter, wouldn’t you want to know about it before he actually did anything? Of course you would.

If there was a way to find those criminals who got off on technicalities or because of stupid juries, and force them to suffer punishment regardless of what the lawyers said, would that not make us all safer? Of course it would. Hang ‘em high.

The truth is…
People don’t want justice or freedom, they want revenge and comfort. Justice takes an ability to consider events rationally and without the taint of hysteria, freedom requires the courage to defend it against all the forces that want to control you. So the idea of wanting freedom is a myth, and the use of the word “justice” should be removed from all situations involving human decision-making. Humanity lacks the ability to be truly dispassionate, truly rational, so juries will always be more like lynch-mobs than a fair, thoughtful forum aiming for truth.

All of your higher ideals for a peaceful society are shit. There is no utopia, all there is and  can ever be is pussies, dicks, and shit.

10 mature and logical ways to handle being dumped

1. Stalk
Call her late at night, follow her car wherever she goes, show up unexpectedly and demand to be let inside. If you want to go the extra mile you can break into her apartment and give her a facial while she sleeps.

What you hope will happen:
She will notice you there in her rear-view mirror, realize how much time and effort you are putting into this, and have an epiphany that you are her one true love. Either that or you are looking for an aha-moment where you can find her and the guy she cheated on you with so you can kill them both.

What will actually happen:
She will realize how little of a life you actually have, how pathetic and needy you are, which will make her incredibly creeped out. At this point if you had any kind of an opening it will be closed permanently. She will also begin to be increasingly scared of you and at some point a restraining order will be filed.


2. Get drunk and have indiscriminate sex
Go out and revel in the single life, sleeping with any willing person, preferably somebody of a different race/age-group and whom the ex was prejudiced against.

What you hope will happen:
You will forget about your ex, you also hope that she hears about your exploits and feels horror and jealous rage. You hope that she will show up on your door-step bitter and heartbroken.

What will actually happen:
You will not only not forget about her, you will remember her while having sex with one of your new, hastily-chosen lays. You will, while penetrating this other chick, suddenly realize how much you miss her, at which point you will lose interest and go limp. If your ex does find out about your sexual exploits and the odds are that they won’t, the reaction will likely be genuine disinterest.

3. Write interminable blog posts/short stories or poems about betrayal
Spam the Internet as well as the slush-piles of small literary magazines with your heartbreak. Put the intensity of your pain into words and throw it out there for all to see.

What you hope will happen:
People will recognize what a deep, sensitive soul you are, and how much you have suffered and feel sorry for you. They will identify with your pain and soon you will have an army of the heartbroken joined with you in your crusade of inner despair.

What will actually happen:
People will mistake you for a 13 year-old girl. You will also find out that heartbreak on paper is incredibly disgusting to read, no matter how well you express it.

4. Commit suicide
Of course leaving a note explaining that she is the main reason you are doing this and that you still love her and will always love her because she is your one true love etc..

What you hope will happen:
You hope you will survive your suicide event, but just barely so that she knows you were serious. While they are still trying to fix you in the ER the note will find its way to her hands where she will read it and realize that you truly love her because you were willing to die rather than live without her.

What will actually happen:
If she even hears about it she will realize what a fucking whackjob you are and how smart a decision it was to leave your ass. Every friend she has will reinforce this decision. If you survive the attempt they will probably encourage her to move away before you get released from the mental hospital. If you do die, they will encourage her to stay away from the funeral and move on.

5. Try to bed a close relative of hers
Preferably that hot sister with whom she has always had a rivalry for their daddy’s attention.

What you hope will happen:
She will be incredibly hurt, furious and have no one to blame, because you will have fucked and moved on. You are just that kind of guy. You will have a story to nonchalantly tell your friends as you sit in the sports bar sipping Bud Light and watching football on a Monday night.

What will actually happen:
Not only does her family have no more attractive women in it, the ones who are left are fiercely loyal to her or wanted you gone a long time ago. Were you to try, even subtly to seduce a family member you would be shot down and become an anecdote that would be told to every subsequent boyfriend as a joke.


6. Get drunk and masturbate while sniffing a pair of her dirty underwear
Don’t have the energy to stalk? Scared shitless of her new boyfriend/lesbian lover? With this one you can feel close to her without exposing yourself to danger.

What you hope will happen:
You will feel close to her again and this will  ease your heartbreak. You don’t care about pride, or self-esteem, or grossness, you just want her back because it hurts so bad.

What will actually happen:
If you are willing to do this, you are actually in a spiral to something much worse. It means that you have given up on even trying to act like a self-respecting, sane human being and are shifting to the kind of person who will actually kill somebody.

7. Go gay
Swear off the whole gender, just up and switch your preference. They say it’s not a choice, well, you are going to prove them wrong. You will take cock until you like it, goddammit.

What you hope will happen:
You will be insulated from all further heartbreak by being with the gender that understands just what you need and want from a relationship. It will also make your ex full of jealous hatred.

What will actually happen:
You will gradually get more and more depressed by the stress of pretending to be something you are not. You will grow to hate yourself and become more and more manic as your life-style feels more and more wrong. Intead of being forgotten and completely in the past, your heartbreak will stay with you as long as you work to avoid it.


8. Show up at her workplace and attempt to carry her off like the guy in An Officer and a Gentleman
Carry out the working-woman’s wet-dream of Richard Gere in uniform whisking her away like the adorable princess she is. Taking her away from her livelihood because he intends to take care of her for the rest of her life.

What you hope will happen:
You expect a lifetime of gratitude as she worships you while bearing beatiful children and you live happily someplace pretty, like Vermont.

What will actually happen:
If you try to do this literally, and lets say she wants to go with you will find that she is heavier than you expected, also that the doorways are incredibly narrow. Also, credits don’t roll in real life. The sweet, dramatic romantic gestures are usually followed by decades of poverty and mutual disillusioned disgust. It is mostly likely, though, that she will not want to go with you, at which point, the kind of guy who would seriously try something like this would pull his guns from his camo pants and start shooting her coworkers.

9. Call your best friend and bitch about it
That’s what you have them there for, right? To provide comfort and counsel in times of distress.

What you hope will happen:
That they will listen and have something to offer, some new encouraging perspective that will change everything. You will find comfort in the fact that somebody, somewhere still loves you.

What will actually happen:
The definition of a friend (in real life, not the Internet) in most cases is this: someone who sees the possibility of needing a favor from you in the future. That’s it. How good a friend they are depends on how soon they see themselves asking you for something.  If they are ok for the moment, they will pay half-assedly pay attention to your woes and commiserate all the time wishing you would just go mope to yourself. If they see themselves being in need of something in the near future they will eagerly offer advice none of which will be practical, but it gives you something to think about till they leave or hang up.

10. Get a makeover and a trophy partner and show up where she is
Buy yourself some new clothes, a nice car and find some chick who while utterly vacuous, looks way better than your ex.

What you hope will happen:
She will see you and be plunged into a whirl-pool of self-hatred and remorse which will start a chain of events culminating in her tearfully calling you one night begging to be taken back.

What will actually happen:
She won’t care. If she really knew you she will see it for what it is and feel mild pity tempered by utter disinterest, but most likely it won’t matter to her enough to bother thinking much into it. You will wind up spending a long evening with somebody you find utterly boring, acting in a farce and wishing that you had not gone to all that trouble.

10 ways to tell that you are not cut out for parenthood

1. You hate repeating yourself
Most of parenting involves saying the same thing at least 3 times in order to get it done. 3 times is when you threaten violence with the last request, it can be many more times if your kid does not fear bodily harm. If you are one of those people who do not believe in corporal punishment, or are too lazy to exercise it, you will have to keep saying the same thing over and over till the kid gets tired of hearing you. Parenting is not for people who get bored or frustrated by having no effect, they have to be exactly the kind of people who are used to being ignored in daily life or the kid will wind up wrapped in a sheet, in a dumpster.

2. You have no patience for stupidity
There are lots of stupid adults, and lots of average adults who are neither particularly stupid or particularly capable. Note this: those average adults are average after years of life-experience, meaning the result of their years on this planet, and the many situations they have experienced in their life is them just getting by. That means they had to start out stupid too. Hell, even gifted children can be annoying.

3. You are not emotionally needy
Emotional neediness can actually be a good thing to a certain extent. It provides a nurturing environment for the first 3 years of life but which becomes a smothering one for the rest. If you did not have your kid so that you would have somebody to love you and dependent no matter what, if you do not need your kid to look up to you or always think that you are smart and wonderful, you will likely be distant and find them irritating for most of the time you are around them. The desire to parent is largely a symptom of low self-esteem and having nothing important to do with your time.

4. Shrill, high-pitched voices make your skin crawl
For some people a child’s laugh is sweet and innocent and no home is truly a home without it. For others it’s a sound not unlike the squeal of brakes or a car-alarm. It reminds one of responsibility and makes one feel burdened, by the weight of a child’s ignorance, by the fact that whatever they are laughing at is not funny and that you will have to wait for a long time before you can laugh at the same things. That and the fact that the quality of it is pretty much the definition of “annoying”.

5. “Cute” and “useless” are interchangeable in your mind
The things people find “cute” tend to be defenseless and weak with no practical value. The helplessness seems to arouse some kind of protective, parenting instinct in humans so that they suddenly want to be provider and protector and owner. That’s for the people who want to breed. For the rest of us, “cute” signals time and money wasted, a lack of meaningful reciprocation and the capacity to bore. The fact is that if you don’t find a baby “cute” it is a tedious burden. That is literally all they have going for them, the fact that many adults think they are adorable.

6. You want to leave the room when somebody starts crying
Kids don’t cry just when they are babies, they cry all through their formative years often into adulthood. Some never grow out of it and cry regularly well into middle-age. Crying and messy hysteria is unpleasant for some whereas others just want to offer comfort or are able to block it out. It is best that you are in the latter group. If you rarely cry yourself and are unable to empathize with the need for emotional outbursts, it’s best to get yourself fixed before you knock somebody up.

7. You prefer actual conversations
You cannot have a real conversation with a child unless you are, literally, retarded. Basically, talking to a child involves condescending in order to engage them, meaning, the effort is entirely yours. They rarely have any useful information or insight so it is not just tiring, it is unrewarding as well. Even a stupid adult will have something offer, even if all that is is an amusing look at the depths of their stupidity, which is “amusing” because they should know better. A kid has an excuse for ignorance so it never feels quite as funny.  Only people who are so desperate for validation that they will put up with endless streams of random nonsense would can stomach talking to a child.

8. You like money
They will suck you dry. You ever notice how stressed out parents are because the have “mouths to feed” at home? Providing is hard work. You either are able to use it as a tool to make yourself feel better, or you can see it for what it is, a drain-hole for your wealth in what should be the most productive years of your life. The little assholes never appreciate how hard you have to work either. The just sit there and expect to be fed, and given stuff with no real effort on their part. Then when they get older they bitch about how little time you spent with them. Fuck Harry Chapin’s kid and his whining. You want your dad to give you a ball and take time off from work to “teach” you to throw it?

9. The thought of growing old with no one to visit you in the nursing-home is perfectly ok with you
The fact is that you will be decrepit, sick, and probably not in your right mind. Your kid visiting you is not going to make up for that, that is if they do visit you, because they probably won’t except to check to see how far along you are and when they can expect their estate windfall. People have kids with an idea that one day there will be grand-kids and they will live with them and be taken care of just like they took care of them as infants. It does not work that way. Society does not allow an option with infants, you have to take care of them or be judged worthless scum. If you live with your kids they will look at you every day and wonder if it’s time to put you away yet, and there is nothing wrong with that. Nobody wants to wipe their parents ass or clean their dentures. 

10. The thought of dealing with teachers again makes you sick
Something happens to people when they spend most of their time confined  with young, undeveloped, ignorant humans. They become tedious, pedantic, and easily threatened by adults. Even the ones that were cool when you were young are difficult to take when you get to a certain age. It has to do with the kind of person who wants to take up teaching in the first place. Often the vocation appeals to them because they want to feel smarter and more capable than somebody else and young people are the only people who consistently fit the requirements. It is like talking to somebody who is way dumber than you are, but believes that you have absolutely no clue about anything, but you have to pretend to look up to them or your kid might just start getting Ds.

10 Reasons alcohol is the best drug

1. Private
Nobody has to know that I am drunk while at work. Soak my fruit-salad in vodka, nobody knows anything. Whiskey in my coffee, perfectly ok. You can’t do that with a blunt. I can smell weed 3 miles away if I am down-wind and nobody is grilling anything. While heroin-addicts can actually be quite productive, they have a shelf-life, sooner or later they just start staying home, whereas a true alcoholic can hold a job for decades without anybody knowing anything. Even if somebody does figure out that you are drunk at work, in most cases they will ignore it until you fuck up. Believe it or not, this actually gives you motivation for not fucking up.

2. Taste
You get to please a sense as you get your high. If you don’t want to bother acquiring a taste for the rougher-tasting shit, like whiskey, you can go get a bottle of Bailey’s or schnapps or some fruity drink that completely masks the taste of the alcohol. This is like having sex with a girl who is both easy AND hot, for those of you who can’t relate to this, it’s like having food that is both good for you AND tastes good.

3. You can make it yourself
Sure you can grow plants inside your house, but it takes awhile and you worry about no-knock warrants and people coming to steal your money and product. You can make wine with very little trouble in your kitchen with a few pieces of fruit, water sugar and yeast. You can make a still, but that is illegal unless you want to produce alcohol for fuel purposes, but it’s possible. Granted it will all taste pretty shitty and possibly make you blind, but it depends on how badly you want to get drunk and how broke you are. My point is that if you can McGyver a high out of common household goods, that’s a pretty good thing.

4. Long history
If it were that bad for humanity it would have been done away with a long time ago. The fact that it is as popular as it is and other things are not more popular works as a kind of evolution. Alcohol is better or would not be as accepted, or exist everywhere and in immense variety. 

5. Easily available
They serve it in church, how much more ubiquitous can you get? Your high is $3 and walking distance away if you are in the city. If you live in the country see #3. If you are worried and depressed, and have a few dollars you can self-medicate. You have the option. You may choose not to take it, but it’s there if you want it. I would bet that there is nobody reading this who could not get drunk in the next 30 minutes if they chose to. There may be consequences, but the drinking part of it is doable.

6. Impenetrable high
A good drunk takes you out of your life for a little while. That’s why people drink…distance. Usually, it lasts about 20 minutes, then you spend the rest of the night trying to find it again. The 20 minutes, however, is worth it for your dedicated drinker. Nothing breaks through in that 20 minutes.  Your house could be on fire, your dick could fall off, you could lose the sight in one eye, that 20 minutes allows you to handle it. It’s like a return to the womb, except you know exactly what is going on around you. At the peak of a good drunk you are perfectly, completely, utterly, lucid. You understand all even if your mind is a little slow.

7. Built-in kill-switch
Usually referred to as your “liver”. You drink enough you get sick. Granted people do die of alcohol poisoning, but that’s because they went out of their way to bypass the switch. Mostly, if you drink at a normal pace and try to sit in your high-spot for as long as possible, you get sick when that is no longer possible, and you don’t want to taste alcohol anymore. You cannot OD with normal, moderate usage unless there is something wrong with you.

8. Adventure!
People who smoke tend to just sit there, whereas drunk people drunk people have adventures. The whole world feels like a new place that must be explored from this exciting new place. If you stumble it feels comical, like nothing bad was going to happen if you fell. Alcohol can serve as a motivator to do stuff.

9. Goggles
Not only do you get the distance mentioned in 6, everything you see looks better. The food at Waffle House looks good, the girls you would never ever think of talking to are suddenly attractive, the bathroom at the bar looks clean enough that you would touch the urinal flusher without a second thought. People look more friendly, even the ones from other races. Music sounds better even if you hate the whole genre when sober. Your vehicle skills which were never all that great, feel like those of a Formula One driver. Everything in life is better than it ever was without the coating of alcohol.

10. Not much of a stigma
Meaning you have to completely fucking destroy your life before the noun “drunk” stings at all, and by then it won’t sting much. Alcohol does not addict you overnight, it’s a very slow crawl to the point where you are going off to the liquor-store on your lunch break and an even longer crawl to where you are drinking out of a paper bag on the sidewalk in the ‘hood. You will not be ostracized until you hit that last sidewalk step. Many people get drunk regularly, the ones that don’t are used to drunks, it does not shock anybody, you won’t be a pariah until you slam into a school-bus or break into the church and take a shit on the altar. There are also a lot of “recovered alcoholics” out there, nobody thinks you are beyond hope until your liver decides to just give up.

10 Reasons to be Antisocial

Everything important in your life, the correct decisions, the perfect work, the life-changing realizations, they all come when you are alone. Being antisocial provides you with the time for these.

1. Genius is antisocial
This does not mean that by being antisocial you automatically adopt the status of genius, but it does mean that if you, by some slim chance are, in fact, a genius, you will have no patience for average and below-average humanity. You will see it as annoying and distracting like a high-schooler being forced to endure a day in pre-school. You will seek to isolate yourself and work. Again, the choice to isolate yourself and work does not necessarily indicate genius, just a slightly higher possibility of it. Very slightly. Writing, painting, working on complex math problems, all solitary work for the most part.  Genius needs room to concentrate.

2. Less drama
Which is not to say no drama. If you are human and you live around humans you will have drama. It does not matter if you mind your own business and keep to yourself, trust me, the cunts and assholes will find you. Being genuinely antisocial ensures that you will run into this less, which is not to say, never. Be ready for it, but going under the radar means that you probably won’t have to dig more than one shallow grave per decade.

3. You gain insight
You cannot ever be rid of people entirely. I know this, I have tried. Hell, even Howard Hughes, the modern prophet of anti-socialism still had to deal with his lawyers. People, however, will be reduced to bite-sized chunks. You will be able to analyze them as you take your breaks from analyzing more important things. Spend enough time thinking about enough data and you come to some pretty interesting conclusions. The fact is that most people reveal far more than is immediately obvious in the course of a casual conversation, you just have to put it under a microscope, which means it needs isolated, and you need private time look at it.

4. Relationships require effort
Usually of the non-rewarding kind. Relationships with chicks involve doing things that serve no practical purpose whatsoever, as gestures. Chicks love gestures. You take this much effort it means that you love me this much. The idea that there is no correlation between love and effort for a man never occurs to them. I think this all started with that old Percy Sledge song “When a Man Loves a Woman” in which the singer tells all the things men will do for women they love. It was BS made to sell records. Effort is what men put out when there is a tangible reward at the end of the job. Like sex. The gestures are all about sex, not to show affection. Those flowers are not merely because I know you like flowers and I want to make you happy, they are because I know you like flowers and I want to fuck you.

5. Conversation-padding
A 2-hour conversation usually only consists of about 10-20 minutes of actual worthwhile information sharing. The rest is padded out with small-talk, awkward pauses while somebody thinks of something to say, and boring droning that blends into the background for the listener. Long conversations usually only happen when both people are stuck in one place together and want the satisfaction of “having shared” at the end of their sentence, meaning that they want a conversation for the sake of having one, not because it actually makes sense to communicate. This results in a lot of your life being wasted talking to people and needless stress as you share meaningless nonsense.

6. Low expectations
Nobody expects you to be the life of the party, nobody comes knocking on your door at 3am looking for a shoulder to cry on. This means you don’t get invited to tedious functions and you get to avoid the truly thankless job of being a free therapist to your friends and acquaintances. Being antisocial means that people see you as a closed door, one that they might as well pretend is not there. This might sound like a bad thing, but it is not. We have been taught that happiness depends on being social, but there is no happiness, just the pretense of it. Why waste time looking for something that does not exist?

7. You get balls
What it is is that you don’t care what people think of you. It may bug you that some piece of trash out there has the balls to insult you (different from taking offense at the insult itself), but then you know they are a piece of trash and you get over it. Being insulted by someone you have no respect for is very different from being insulted by somebody who matters, who you at some point thought highly of. I will give you an example: your neighbor’s chihuahua barks at you from his owner’s front porch, does it offend you that this dog does not like you, or are you just irritated by the bark and annoyed that it does not know how small and contemptible it is? For the antisocial person everybody but a very select few (with whom you have limited contact) are chihuahuas. Fuck ‘em.

8. You don’t miss out on a whole lot
Most people have little to offer aside from the psychological comfort of being around another human being. They are not fun or interesting to anybody, least of all for the people who settle for them. In all but a few instances you could lose a relationship and feel very little, but even when you do, it’s pretty much always survivable. You lose that comfort from being around a particular person, but that’s more about adjusting to change than anything else. The point is that people are not all that important, not all that interesting, not all that fun, not all that essential. You would be making a better use of your time doing a crossword puzzle or learning a few words in a foreign language than hanging out with them.

9. Comforting self-deception
If you are just an antisocial moron, then it’s probably a good idea to isolate yourself so that you can tell yourself that you are, in fact a genius and that nobody recognizes what you are because they are all so stupid. Self-aggrandizing delusion needs isolation in order to reach it’s full annoying potential. It’s annoying to everybody else, but rewards the bearer with a tremendous sense of martyrdom which, in many cases, is the only reason they have to not commit suicide.

10. It helps you deal with loneliness
The most sociable, chatty, clingy, blowhards out there, the ones who try to spend as little time alone as possible, for them being alone is the same thing as being lonely. For the antisocial loneliness is very different from the sensation of being alone, they are two distinctly separate feelings. The anti-social can feel loneliness, but it’s rare. You treasure the moments with no distractions, no background movement, no responsibilities beyond what you have in front of you. That is largely, I suspect, a learned reaction to being alone a lot, but it’s good since everybody has to be alone at some point and it’s best to see it as a gift rather than a burden.

Bad people and "animals"

The difference, in the minds of most of America, between Brian Nichols and the guys who wiped out Indians or the guys who carried out Jim Crow era lynching is that they were “bad people”, maybe even “very bad” people, whereas Nichols is an “animal”. It’s the drastic difference in outrage.

Joseph Duncan is a bad person for raping and killing 2 little kids, whereas Curtis L Vance, assuming he is found guilty, is an “animal”. I wonder why that is. I mean it’s brutal crimes in all cases, with horrible consequences, why are some people reduced to the level of beast so easily? How come the sadism of certain others is less bad? How do you tell when certain people are beast evil and others just regular human evil?

Sheep

Do you not expect to have your rights taken away if you take no interest in enforcing them? People seem to think that being a citizen involves being self-obsessed and passive. Nobody wants to get their fat asses up from in front of the Tv and intimidate the government. The fact is that apathy and deliberate ignorance are usually rewarded with rape and/or robbery.

While I hate using slavery as a positive example of anything, on the plantation, if you did not not get the slaves to fear you, you would have a rebellion on your hands pretty quickly. What you need to figure out is who you are, the slave or the slave-owner, and act accordingly.

Shocked, I say

I am completely and utterly shocked that a government would value the rights of a multi-million dollar corporation over the rights of it’s broke, apathetic citizens. Shocked how a company that can afford lobbyists and campaign contributions could be have such sway over the people it helped elect. How fucking bizarre! I mean who knew that politicians could be corrupted? Who knew that companies wanted to use government to help them make more money? How could anybody guess that greedy people would be ruthless in getting what they wanted? This all sounds like something from science-fiction doesn’t it? The next thing you know guys will start liking porn and geeks will start watching Star Trek.